What’re some things, people said to you when your heart’s just been broken?
Let’s say you call your friend to tell them your Mother just died, very unexpectedly. What happened next?
After your friend’s shock, usually comes something like:
“I’m so sorry; what can I do to help?”
A very caring and a normal response.
They’ll probably go on to offer all kinds of help, in the upcoming days that follow this tragedy.
So far, all normal and natural reactions.
Unfortunately, at some stage, you’re probably going to hear things like:
“I know how you feel; when my Mother Died…”
“We’re never given more than we can handle…”
“At least it was sudden. She didn’t suffer…”
I could, unfortunately, write pages and pages!
The big question is:
Why do we say these kinds of things to someone who’s just had their heart broken?
The Answer is:
Because we are trying to Fix Them – Grief is very inconvenient!
As a society, we were never given the right tools when it comes to grief.
We were never told what to say, or how to say it when someone has a broken heart. So, we come up with our own things to say; but do they help?
Chances are we’re just making it worse.
Here’s the thing; we can love them till the cows come home!
The sad fact about grief and loss: We can’t take the pain away!
I know it hurts so much to see someone you love, struggle with the pain of grief. It’s often unbearable for us to have to witness.
Our Job? Find the courage to support them the way they need it.
Some things to consider:
- Grievers need to be heard – not fixed!
- Listen like you’re a heart with ears – it may be uncomfortable for you, but it’s what they need
- Grief takes us out of our comfort zone, big time
- You can’t live someone’s life or feel their pain, for them
- Don’t try and make it better – it’s not going to be for awhile
- Grief is very, very messy – It’s never going to be the way you think
- YOU CAN’T FIX THIS!
- It’s not about you and how you feel; it’s about them!!!
- Grief Recovery gives you the right tools